Toward Freedom (part 1)

As I was lying in the sauna this morning after my Zen Pilates class filled with gratitude for my first week in my new career as Entrepreneur and Life Coach, I began reflecting on the journey I have taken that has brought me to this place…

The world we have created is operating at a speed I that is easy to enter into but extremely difficult to maintain.

I found myself at 30, like a lot of people, married, two kids under 5 and having a career. Already I was very blessed and had a lot of things that made it “easier”. I worked in a job that I loved (most of the time); I was only employed in a 30 hour per week contract which gave me afternoons at home; I had a nanny to look after the kids; and my husband worked from home and helps out A LOT when he is not travelling for work.

Now I am sure people are thinking, WOW, that sounds ideal! Yet in my heart of hearts there was a discontentment and anxiety building, something did not feel right…

I wanted to be there for my children as they grew up, I wanted to be part of their daily lives and share special moments. Facebook kept reminding me how short childhood is and how quickly my little ones will grow up, only creating more angst.

On the other hand my work was hugely fulfilling and rewarding and brought me great joy and I did not have a great interest in giving that up to stay at home full time with the kids. I realised very quickly after my first son was born that I am not a stay-at-home-mom type of girl!

So there I was stuck in the middle of my two highest values – raising happy, healthy, well-rounded children – and – working with people to improve their lives. Added to this I am the type of person who must be involved in things when it comes to my values – I am a control freak, not much of a delegator!
As it is with most of us I paid little attention to the stirring in my soul, the quiet persistent voice saying “You need a change, this is not working for you anymore”. I resisted, I rearranged a few things, kept busy, managed my stress as I knew how.

All the while, I was berating myself; “What do you have to complain about? You should be grateful. You don’t have what it takes to leave your job and work independently. The risk is too great. You will fail. You will look like a fool to give up what you have.”

But instead of giving up, the Universe decided I needed a nudge in the right direction. The phone call came during our weekly morning staff meeting. It was strange because my phone is always on silent and I don’t usually check it during the 90 minute meeting, but something told me to check my phone. There were 6 missed calls from my son’s school.

My mind started to race. My husband is away. I am the only parent they can get hold of in case of an emergency. There must be an emergency for them to have called 6 times. My heart dropped. I immediately excused myself from the meeting and dialled the school.

“Mrs. Valentine we are sorry to inform you that there was an accident in the playground this morning and it looks like (T) has broken his arm. We have been unable to reach your husband and he is in a lot of pain. Can you get here as soon as possible?”

As I walked into the school office after the 27 minutes it took me to exit the building, get into my car, clear security and race down the freeway while trying to maintain the speed limit, my son looked at me and said “What took you so long to get here mommy? They were calling and calling you. I just wanted you to come…”

I knew I had to start looking at making a change.

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