Toward Freedom (Part 2)

 

Once the idea, that I was not fully satisfied with the status quo had come into my awareness, I wish I could say that it was an easy decision to leave my job and start my own business, but the truth of the matter is that it terrified me!

In the months that followed I researched and thought a lot about what I could do, how I could do it, how long it would take… My mind was full. I’m sure others can relate to this? The notion of “I have a problem – let me think how to solve it…”

The problem with me is that once I have something on my mind, I cannot let it go. If something gets lost in our house I will spend the better part of the night searching for it, mentally going over where it could be then acting on the thought – think, check, think, check, think, check until the toy/ dummy/ item is found.

On one particular occasion I was found by my husband pulling the couches apart at 3am searching for a Paw Patroler.

Husband: “Um, love, what are you doing?”

Me: “I suddenly thought that the Pup could have got lost in the couch” at 3am while asleep, I’m crazy like that!

And so it was with searching for a solution to how I could do what I love and spend more time with my kids…

My main source of concern was continuing with my career in my current field, where I had gained expertise and experience, in independent practice where the market is small and competitive. Then finally after attending an information session on Integral Coaching I felt like I had found the answer. Coaching was similar enough to what I had been doing that I could use all the skills and expertise I had developed AND it seemed to me to be more marketable to the greater public.

BUT, what started out as purely a strategic move to get me closer to my goal of independence ended up being a deep personal transformation that has brought me gains beyond what I could imagine.

“You can have anything, but you can’t have everything.” Paulo Coelho

This quote changed things for me, I realised that whatever I focused on and took action toward was achievable in my life but that whatever choices we make in life will always come at a cost to something else. This probably evokes anxiety in some: “That’s exactly why I don’t want to change, the cost is too high.”

For me it opened up possibilities; “You can have ANYTHING.”

It made me question, well if I can have ANYTHING, what is it that I really want? What are the most important things to me without considering the limitations that I put on myself and the expectations of others? I recognised that the answer to these questions were not to be found by thinking about them and contemplation but by learning to listen to my heart and my intuition.

Learning to recognise, listen to and trust my heart has made all the difference. I have had to let go of a lot and the EVERYTHING I am doing without is:

My negative and critical self-talk

My anxiety and need to control

My belief that I am not enough

My need to conform and live according to other’s expectations

I have called this blog post toward freedom because that is exactly what this journey has become for me. As I grow and develop my business and my new lifestyle as an entrepreneur, so I am developing on a personal level, both moving my clients and myself beyond the ties that bind us and toward the freedoms that we all dream of for ourselves.

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